Higher heels and lipstick napkins. Dying is your latest fashion.

Frankly, I'm sort of glad. It has made me realize how pathetic some of the teenies on here truly are. I can't believe people are still writing stories about Panic.

To me, they're old news. I looked forward to their second cd, but it just sucks. They have become so mainstream and it was such a departure from their first album that I don't see them as even musicians anymore. They are more like businessmen.

As much as I enjoyed writing stories using Panic, I'm shocked to see people still doing so because I thought everyone might have grown out of it or gotten a life.

Why not make up your own characters? It's way more fun and gives you more room to create...
...Just a thought.

-XxLorynxX

I entered a poem on poetry.com about two years ago and they just sent me an email saying that I can win awards or something if people rate my poem.

You don't even have to read it, but all I'm asking is to give it a 10 rating at this website:

http://www.poetry.com/voteforme/poemvote1.asp?PID=513680

Thanks,
XxLorynxX

Wow...21. It's scary how time flies...

-XxLorynxX

Yesterday was really slow.

I watched Projekt Revolution from 1 30-7 00 and it was okay. It's not the same as actually being there. My Chem was awesome as usual, except I wish Gerard would sing a little more than just say the words with the music. Linkin Park was okay. I'll just stick to their new cd, thank you very much. I hadn't really listened to HIM, Placebo, Julien-K, or Taking Back Sunday, and I really don't want to hear more after watching them. They aren't that good live, but I might give them another chance if I get really bored one day.

My best friend came back from boarding school about three days ago. The first day, we talked on the phone for about 8 hours. The next day his phone died, so we couldn't talk for too long (he had a root canal anyway, so that didn't really matter). He met with his ex girlfriend girlfriend yesterday (they had been thinking of getting back together...or at least she might give him another chance.) and he said it was really fun and was the best 6 hours he'd had in a while.

Weirdly enough, I was jealous. The night before, he was telling me loved me (without realizing it) and he was telling me how amazing i was. And the next day, he was telling me about how Britni is amazing and how he loves her so much. He's my ex and even then I didn't like him that much as anything more than a friend, and now, all of a sudden, he's all I can think about and I think I'm starting to really like him (possibly even fall for him).

idk. I've lied to myself a lott in the past about things like this, so it might just be that. I might see him on Saturday. I'm hoping that will set me straight (whichever way that is).

We had a lot of fun on the phone last night too. My dad is starting to get really annoyed that I talk to him so much.

Why does life have to be so frustrating?

-XxLorynxX

This part is short, and it's sort of a filler, but it introduces another key character, so it's important. I'm sorry that I haven't posted much, but I've been really busy. I have some time today, so I'll start writing part ten and post it sometime during the week.

-XxLorynxX

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥



There was a short girl with brown hair in front of the strip club when I got back. I had spent the morning at Ryan’s house and was in a reasonably good mood, considering everything.
“Can I help you?” I asked not so sweetly.

“Um. I’m here about a job. Rex told me to come here,” she said shyly avoiding eye contact. I could tell she was embarrassed.

“So you’re the new headliner, huh?” I asked keeping the same tone of voice.

“Um. Yeah. I guess.”

“Come on,” I told her after I unlocked the door to the club. Taking her into the dressing room area, I told her to get more comfortable while I put my stuff down in my room. When I came back out, she was sitting down in a chair wearing a battered sweatshirt that she had on before.

“When I said get more comfortable, I meant get rid of the shirt and pants. This is a strip club, not a novelty store. What did you expect?” I snapped.
“Um. Oh. Sorry.” She took off her sweatshirt and hesitated. “Do I really have to take everything off?” I felt a little sorry for the girl, so I gave her some shorts to wear.

“Okay. Let’s get started,” I said once we were both in decent (or indecent) attire. “Why don’t we start with the pole?” After giving a brief demonstration, I showed her a few easy moves. When we were taking a short break, after she had about a dozen moves down, she spoke up.
“You know I didn’t want to do this right?” she asked me timidly. Looking away, I closed my eyes trying to avoid feeling sympathy for my competition.

“Yeah. I know. No one does,” I replied after a long pause. “Let’s keep going.” We practiced for a little longer and not another word was uttered that didn’t relate to what I was trying to teach her. Finally, the training session was over and it was time for me to start getting ready for my last headlining show. The new girl, whose name I forgot to ask (or at least didn’t care to ask), was still there. She just sat down in her big sweatshirt and moped around in the corner.

The girls were already at the strip club by the time I had finished getting my outfit on. I figured that I still had a good half hour until I had to be onstage, so I sat down next to the girl. She just looked up at me shyly, waiting for me to say something. “So, what’s your name?” I asked after what seemed like an hour of awkward silence.

“Desiree,” she said looking up at me, waiting for me to say something else to break the silence. I could have said something nice, and I could have said something mean. I couldn’t choose which something to say, so I didn’t utter a word.

“You could tell me your name, too,” she said, snapping me out of my inner dialogue.

“Oh, sorry. It’s Taylor.” There was another long, awkward silence and then Rex’s voice boomed from the speakers, introducing all of the dancers in the main choreographed show. I stood up and waited for him to call my stage name.

“…And the dazzling temptress, Zenith,” I heard him finish over the pumping music of the club. I went out on stage, willingly only because Ryan would be out there watching. I could always pretend that we were alone in a room, and I was just doing this for him. In reality, it was only for him this one night and hopefully every night to come.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Why does everything have to be so wrong when everything is going so right? Why do the best things in your life have to come with the worst things in your life? Why does life seem to have to counterbalance good and bad. Duality sucks.

At this point, I have been making so much progress with my music. I'm on my eighth song, and last month, i only had three. I bought an electric guitar a week ago and I have been doing well on it, even though I don't have much under my belt. All of these good things are happening, and I can't even enjoy them.

I need to start recording my songs, and I don't have the money. I need $27,000 and I have no clue how I'm going to get all that money by January so I can have a couple songs turned into ring tones. My parents won't pay for recording. They are already paying for my music lessons.

I stopped talking to one of my best friends (by choice), and I had gained two more best friends who were awesome and made me feel like myself again. The only problem was that they live about 45 minutes away from me. I guess that doesn't matter now since one is in Michigan for vacation and the other is in Boarding school. The one who is in boarding school was my closest friend and I haven't talked to him for a month.

Distancing myself from everyone except them was a big mistake because I have virtually no one to talk to. I have no one who I can vent to. I have no one to help me through one of the most confusing choices I will have to make. I have no one who knows me and understands me. I'm alone. It's just me and my songwriting. It's just me and my work. It's just me focusing on what is going wrong with my recording.

I performed about a month ago and the same guys who mix Linkin Park mixed two of my songs. They sound amazing and they are finally something I can show to the public. But I can't pay for them because I don't have enough money.

Why does everything have to go wrong with me?!? Is this just some way of telling me that I'm not cut out for the music industry? Do I just not have what it takes?! Or is the universe just fucked?

Or maybe I just hate not knowing all the answers for once... Maybe I just hate not being in control....

I'm putting designs on some of my shirts so I'll wear them again...if you have anything kewl, just send me a link or the actual pic (pics go to my email: XxCWCDreamxX@vampirefreaks.com).

I'm just looking for anything bright or black that is punky or scene or gothic-looking. I have a couple pages of designs already...I just need to have a few more so I can use the pages to their full extent.

Thanks

-XxLorynxX

on how a 15 (2 months till 16) year old girl can raise $27,000 dollars in a short amount of time?

I'm up for anything except selling myself or my virginity.

I've done this one b4, but that was about a year ago...

Whatever you do, don't cheat!


CHINESE HOROSCOPE:
THE YEAR OF THE IRON DRAGON,
WISHING YOU PROSPERITY AND GOOD FORTUNE IN THE
CHINESE NEW YEAR



FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS - DO NOT CHEAT OR IT WON'T WORK AND YOU WILL WISH YOU HADN..T.

TAKE 3 MINUTES
TRY THIS - IT WILL FREAK YOU OUT.





















THIS GAME HAS A FUNNY / CREEPY OUTCOME.








DO NOT READ AHEAD, JUST DO IT.






IT TAKES ABOUT 3 MINUTES - WORTH A TRY


1st. Get PEN and PAPER

2nd. WHEN CHOOSING NAMES, MAKE SURE THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE THAT YOU ACTUALLY KNOW

3rd. GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCTS !!!!! Very important for good results.

4th SCROLL DOWN

ONE LINE AT THE TIME DON..T READ AHEAD otherwise YOU WILL RUIN THE FUN.











1. On a blank sheet of paper, WRITE NUMBERS 1 through 11 in a COLUMN on the LEFT.













2. Next to the NUMBERS 1 & 2,

WRITE DOWN ANY 2 NUMBERS YOU WANT.

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE NUMBER?













3. Next to the NUMBERS 3 & 7,

WRITE DOWN THE NAMES OF TWO MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.













CAUTION: DO NOT LOOK AHEAD or IT WILL NOT TURN OUT RIGHT














4. WRITE ANYONES NAME (like FRIENDS or FAMILY...) next to 4, 5, & 6.















DON..T CHEAT OR YOU..LL BE UPSET THAT YOU DID













5. WRITE down FOUR SONG TITLES in 8, 9, 10, & 11
















6. Finally, MAKE A WISH



















ARE YOU READY? HERE IS THE KEY TO THE GAME
















1. THE NUMBER of PEOPLE YOU MUST TELL ABOUT THIS GAME is found in SPACE 2







2. THE PERSON IN SPACE 3 IS THE ONE YOU LOVE







3. THE PERSON YOU LIKE but your relationship CANNOT WORK is in SPACE 7







4. YOU CARE MOST about the PERSON you put in SPACE 4








5. THE PERSON YOU NAME IN NUMBER 5 IS THE ONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL.








6. THE PERSON YOU NAMED IN 6 IS THE YOUR LUCKY STAR








7. THE SONG IN 8 IS THE SONG THAT MATCHES WITH THE PERSON IN NUMBER 3







8. THE TITLE IN 9 IS THE SONG FOR THE PERSON IN 7








9. THE 10TH SPACE IS THE SONG THAT TELLS YOU MOST ABOUT YOUR MIND








10. AND 11 IS THE SONG TELLING HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT LIFE








11. NUMBER 1 IS YOUR LUCKY NUMBER



REPOST THIS IN 30 SECONDS





IF YOU DO, YOUR WISH WILL COME TRUE. IF YOU FAIL TO, IT WILL BECOME THE OPPOSITE

Here are the rules:

1) Only list 8 facts.
2) You must then list 8 TAGS at the end of the post. This means you must name 8 people on Buzznet who now must do the same blog.
3) Go comment on their profile and tell them to come read yours! I want participation.

1. Music = my life. My life = music.

2. I can only play a few chords on the guitar and I have even written a song using all of them...

3. I can't seem to beat my dad at Jewelbox (it's a game from the 90s)

4. I don't sleep under my covers.

5. A potato hissed at me when I was talking on the phone with my friend. (Don't ask...)

6. I didn't have a teacher for english in 8th grade, and I still got credit for the class.

7. I skipped kindergarten when the teacher found out that I already knew how to read.

8. I'm obsessed with Grey's Anatomy after seeing the first season a month ago.

I'm choosing x0ryanzwife1230x, brenyg0135, iheartgerardwaymcrxo, twinkler1993, ihrtinfnty, trashyheartbreakx, penzky34853, and 61718191


Oh, and I'm still taking votes on my sweet 16 theme!! Go check it out on my previous journal!

-XxLorynxX

So, my sweet sixteen is late October and I've been struggling to find a good theme. I have narrowed the choices down to two:

A night club theme, where there is a bar serving virgin coctails like pina coladas and daquiris and arnold palmers. There would be lots of heavy music and strobe lights and glow sticks and stuff like that. Even a raffle with prizes.


A Halloween theme where everyone would be in their costumes and there would be a contest and lots and lots of candy. There would probably be lighter music like alternative instead of metal.

The night club theme is more expensive, but also more cutting edge. The Halloween theme is a classic, easier less expensive but less desirable theme.



Which one would you choose?

I'm waiting for my boss to call me because she didn't yesterday or the day before or the day before that etc. So, I essentially have nothing to do.

Someone talk to me! PLEASE!!!

I'm starting to get really pessimistic and bitter and it's not good for my character...

-XxLorynxX

is on hiatus. I'm just really busy and don't have any time to write at the moment. I'm trying to put a band together and earn money for recording while racking my brain to come up with new songs. If I have the time, then I'll post again, but as of now, the next part is postponed. I'm sure you all understand.

-XxLorynxX

I'm upset and have nothing better to do, so I'm just gunna rant for a little bit. I don't really care if anyone reads this. I just don't want any comments pitying me and my situation.

Last night, my dad asked me to clean up the living room and I was too tired, so I told him I would in the morning. I woke up and was exhausted, and I forgot about it. When I got home, I just sat around for a bit trying to find something to do. Everything I did, my mom would pick at it and yell at me. Same with my dad. I retreated to the living room to watch the second season of Grey's Anatomy so I wouldn't have to be in the same room with either of my parents (my mom was working upstairs).

About two hours ago, they came down and joined me in watching tv. Everything was great. We were actually having fun. Until they started making dinner. They both kept nagging me to set up the tv trays. My best friend Kyle called me and told me that my other best friend Nick was sent to boarding school yesterday. I always choose my friends selectively...at least i choose who I talk to selectively. I don't talk to the friends I don't trust or the ones who aren't even genuinely interested in me or how I'm feeling. In other words, Kyle and Nick are the only ppl I can really talk to or even want to talk to.

My mom yelled at me yet again to set up for dinner while I was talking to Kyle, so I told her I would in a minute. I ended my conversation with Kyle and set everything up, but we didn't have any knives, so I told my dad. He said, "Well find some." I told him they were in the dishwasher and they both kept telling me to find knives. This turned into a heated argument and they were telling me that I need to contribute more around the house. I have not done anything that I wouldn't normally do. That's what I kept telling them, but they wouldn't see my point.

My dad pushed me so hard that it left a handprint. I told him that I could get a lawyer and sew him and he told me to get out of the house. Of course, I didn't take the bait and just sat down behind my tray. More argument ensued and I made to go eat upstairs. He told me to either eat with them or not eat at all. Guess which one I chose?

So, I'm sitting here starving and retelling my story. What shocks me the most is that I'm not even mad anymore. I was frustrated before, but now I'm just numb...or calm, whichever you want to call it. I'm just sitting here thinking that they're idiots and I'm so much better than them because I'm not perturbed by their erratic actions. I've always thought my mom was an idiot, and I've always known that my dad would burst at any moment. I just didn't think it would be like this. It's so messy and I'm just so frustrated that I've had enough. What sucks is that I can't leave or else I'll have no way of paying for vocal and piano lessons.

One of the times my dad yelled at me today was when he overheard me talking to Kyle about hanging out tomorrow. I told him that I'd have to ask my dad. I even told Kyle that my dad doesn't like schlepping me around and I thought it was unfair to him. My dad is such a hothead. He tells me that I don't appreciate what he does for me and he doesn't even listen to the fact that I tell all my friends that. Like I said, he is an idiot. I feel like I deserve better.

I should have part nine up in a day or two.

Enjoy!

-XxLorynxX
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥



“Zenith. You’re done. I found another headliner,” Rex told me after I had given him yet another low amount of money. “You’re going to start training her tomorrow afternoon.” I was speechless. He’s replacing me? This cannot be good.

This was the fifth night that I had given him a low amount of money, after I told Ryan about my predicament. I just wasn’t as rough as I used to be, and it wasn’t appealing, according to Rex.

I walked into my room, which I hadn’t slept in for almost a week. Ryan and I had been together for 6 days; one week as of Sunday, which was tomorrow. I thought he had something planned, but I wasn’t sure. I guess he would have to hold his plans until Tuesday or something.

I showered, changed, grabbed a jacket, and went to my car so I could go over to Ryan’s house yet again. The drive over had become part of my muscle memory because I went there every night. I knocked on the door after locking my car.

“Hey babe,” Ryan greeted me with a kiss at the door. We walked in and sat on the couch. After kissing for a minute or so, I broke it to tell him the news.

“Ryan, Rex is replacing me. I’m not the headliner anymore,” I said seriously.

“Well, that’s great isn’t it?” he asked, confused at the fact I wasn’t happy about it.

“It’s not great. If he’s replacing me as headliner, it might mean that he wants to get rid of me but isn’t sure how,” I said solemnly.

“Oh.” Whatever smile he had left disappeared from his face completely.

“And there’s more. I have to train this new girl, who’s taking my place, tomorrow afternoon. I know you were planning something-”

“You knew about that?” he asked, his face turning a light shade of pink.

“Yeah. Well, no. I didn’t know all the details. But maybe we can reschedule?”

“Maybe. It wasn’t anything entirely huge, but I can save it for next week.” He smiled, looking a little relieved.

“Sure. So, what’s for dinner…or breakfast?” I was starving because I wasn’t eating very much because the gas to come over to Ryan’s every night was eating up all the money Rex hadn’t taken from me. I didn’t have anything left over for food after I left Ryan every afternoon.

“I just picked up some burgers. Is that okay?” he asked getting up to fetch the bag of food on the dining room table.

“That sounds perfect,” I said standing up to go change into some pajama pants, that I had brought about three days before, and one of his shirts.

“You are the only girl I’ve dated who will even touch a hamburger,” Ryan projected from the living room. I smiled and went back out to the couch after I had changed.

“It’s so great that something bad can happen and five seconds later, we’re all happy,” I said sitting down and picking up my burger and taking a bite.

“Yeah. I guess we balance each other out.”

“You don’t have anything that you really need me to balance out, do you?” I asked, referring to the fact that he never seemed to have any serious problem or anything like that.

“I was just starting to get really lonely.” He stared off into space.

“You’re not lonely anymore, right?” He shook his head no instead of saying it because he just took a bite out of his burger. “Then you have nothing to worry about.” He smiled and leaned in to kiss me, but I pulled away. “You have food in your mouth. I don’t want your icky food germs in my mouth.” The confused look on his face disappeared as he chuckled.

“So, what’s the new girl like?” Ryan asked and I shot him a small, playful glare.

“I don’t know. I haven’t met her yet. I don’t even know her name.” I took a huge bite out of my burger.

“I guess you’ll find out tomorrow.”

“Do you want to go for my last headlining show tomorrow night?” He nodded because he had food in his mouth again. “Great. You can drive me to your band practice so I can meet the guys. I’m running out of gas.”

“Sure. I’ll take you, but why don’t you just buy more gas?” he asked innocently. I frowned.

“Well, I kind of ran out of money yesterday since Rex has been taking all of my tips because I haven’t been generating enough business. That’s why he’s replacing me.” Suddenly, my hamburger became really interesting.

“Oh.” He put his food down and looked at me. “Why didn’t you tell me before? I could have given you some.” I looked up at him with great difficulty. I hated talking about finances…especially mine. I had always been dirt poor and it was embarrassing.

“I wouldn’t feel right about it. I always have the need to earn the money I spend.”

“But money’s no object for me. And besides, I love you.” Ryan’s eyes widened as if the sentence just slipped out. I froze, and my heart jumped. I felt like crying, but that wouldn’t even begin to help me express how I was feeling. Even though it was only a sentence, I always thought that it was a big deal when someone told you he or she loved you. A hint of a smile appeared on my face.

“What?” I asked; needing him to repeat himself so I could bask in the moment.

“You heard me. I love you.” Ryan wasn’t sure if he should consider that a good sign or not.

“I love you too.” I had never said it to anyone in my whole life, and this whole moment meant the world to me. I had always read about love, but never experienced anything close to it before. He smiled and leaned in for a kiss. I moved so I was straddling him and didn’t deny him when he gently ran his tongue across my bottom lip begging for entrance. We parted for only a second to breathe and went right back to kissing as passionately (if not more) as before. I nibbled and sucked on his lower lip and received a moan in response (me: it really works…well. Hehe).

Ryan’s hands ran up and down my waist under my shirt and eventually, he moved on to my front. I pulled away quickly. “No,” I told him breathlessly. He backed off and tried to kiss me again, but I turned my head and he only kissed my cheek.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. I didn’t really want to tell him because I wasn’t sure if he would call me irrational or be offended.

“It’s stupid,” I said, trying to avoid it.

“No it’s not. If it’s something that’s bothering you, it’s not stupid.” I got off him and sat back down on the couch.

“It’s just that I’m still bothered by what my dad made me go through when I was younger. I just don’t want to live through that again—not that I think you would do that to me. It’s just that someone touching me like that doesn’t feel right. Do you get what I’m trying to say?” I looked at him innocently.

“Yeah. It’s okay. I’ll stop.”

“It’s not anything you’re doing wrong. I just still have some issues in that department.”

“Yeah. I get it,” he responded, and smiling slightly, he kissed me sweetly. I felt a little relieved. “I love you,” he said.

“I love you too.”

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

will be put on hold for a day or two. I have a performance coming up on Sunday, so I've been rehearsing like crazy to make sure it will go well. I also am working to earn money for recording, so I'm like booked for most of the weekend. It's written, but I don't know how long it will be until I post part nine, so I'm waiting to post it so you won't have to wait an extra long time before reading part nine. (Trust me. You'll be happy when it comes. Part eight makes the story more interesting and gives it more of a conflict. You'll like it! *wink wink*)

So, I hope no one is disappointed.

-XxLorynxX

I'm sorry that I didn't do a double post, but I wasn't feeling well again, so I just watched tv in my room until i was too tired to even do that. I hope u guys enjoy this part!

-XxLorynxX
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥



After dancing onstage for the first time that night, I counted all my tips. My stomach dropped when I saw it was only $50. Shit.

Rex would kill me, and I wouldn’t have enough money to eat. I just couldn’t fake it anymore. I couldn’t be the girl who was most likely to kick your ass anymore. Ryan had really changed me. I no longer thought that all men were pigs. They just didn’t know any better, and apparently, Ryan did.

“Taylor. Where’s my money?” I gave Rex half of the tips I made. He started counting and his face turned bright red with anger. “I told you not to screw up. You’re done for the night.” He took the rest of what I had earned and walked off. I walked silently to my room and flopped down on the mattress. Sighing, I closed my eyes and tried to imagine Ryan’s handsome face. It only made me even more depressed because I remembered that I told him I would explain why I was so freaked out mere hours before.

I rolled over and ran my hand under my mattress, pulling out a sock with my stash of money. I counted all I had left, and it added up to $54. It would only last me about two days. Taking out a ten, I got out of bed and changed into jeans and a black sweatshirt. I walked through the dressing rooms, and out the back door. Finding my old beat up car, I pulled out of the club parking lot, got some gas, and I tried to remember the way to Ryan’s house. I took a couple wrong turns, but ended up at my intended destination.

I knocked on the door, and he answered within seconds. “Taylor? I thought you were working.”

“I was, but he told me that I could have the night off. Well…not really. Can I come in?” I asked since we hadn’t moved out of the doorway.

“Yeah. Of course.” I followed him onto the couch, where apparently, he was watching TV. He turned the television off and turned his attention to me. “What’s wrong?”

“Well, I told you I would explain, so here it is. You know about my childhood, so there’s really no need to start there. When I didn’t make it as a musician in Los Angeles-“

“You’re a musician?” he asked curiously.

“Yeah. Let me finish. So, when I didn’t make it, I decided to move down here to see if I could make a decent living from singing in casinos and bars. It turns out that it doesn’t pay very much, and basically, I was living in my car trying to make enough money for food. One night, I was sleeping in my car in the strip club’s parking lot, and a man came by and told me to get off his property. I put up a fight, and instead of him kicking me off the property, he offered me a place to live if I would become his new main attraction at the club.” I paused, looking at Ryan (who had been completely focused on me) ashamedly, so he’d understand completely.

“The thing was that I had no choice. I hadn’t eaten for about a week, and none of the casinos would hire me anymore because I would always start a fight if someone tried to get sexual with me. The strip club owner, Rex, told me that I wouldn’t get a paycheck, and that I would only receive half of the tips I made. I figured that I could get out anytime I chose, but I never made enough tips to actually get away. Rex owns me. I started going to that diner across the street and met Paula, who told me that he has connections with the mob. She’s seen this many times before and all the girls either mysteriously disappeared or got fired for being too old or undesirable. I want out, but I haven’t been able to think of a way to get away with it without ‘disappearing.’” I glanced back at Ryan, who was taking in everything that I told him.

“I’ll think of something,” he said after a few moments, with an intense look on his face. “There has to be something that we could do to get you out of this.” I smiled, and he caught sight of it and smiled also. “What?”

“I just thought you were going to break up with me or something.”

“I would never do that.” I blushed. “You know, you’re cute when you blush. I don’t think I’ve seen you do that before.”

“Thanks. You’re cute when you’re thinking.” I imitated his facial expression from a second ago and laughed. We kissed softly, and when it was broken, he stared into my eyes with his thinking expression on. “What are you thinking about?”

“Oh. Nothing,” he said quickly.

“Liar. You had that same expression on your face as a second ago.” I laughed.

“Well, I just think it’s too soon for me to say what I was thinking about,” he responded with a serious, but not so serious expression.

“Please don’t tell me it was about sex,” I said as I raised one eyebrow.

“It wasn’t,” he replied simply.

“Good. I couldn’t handle that. But seriously, what were you thinking about?” I was really curious, and for some reason, my stomach was fluttering.

“Like I said. It’s too soon.”

“What? It’s not like you’re in love with me or anything…” I just couldn’t keep my big mouth shut. He avoided my gaze and looked a shade whiter.

“So, do you want something to eat?” he asked, standing up and seemingly ignoring what I had just said. Maybe that was it? No. It couldn’t be. But if it was, then I could say it back…and mean it.

“Uh. Sure. Do you have anything left over from last night?” I replied, letting him avoid the subject. He was right, it was a little soon for saying “I love you.”

We ate and avoided what had come up earlier. I could see that he wanted to say it. So did I. “Brendon really can cook,” I said after eating everything that was on my plate.

“Yeah. I should bring you over to our next band practice, so you can thank him personally.”

“Band practice?” I asked curiously. That was why he had asked me about being a musician.

“Yeah. We’re working on our second CD,” he replied sheepishly.

“Wow. What’s the band called?”

“Panic! At the Disco. Sorry I didn’t say anything about it before, but you’re one of the only people my age who didn’t know who I was before I introduced myself.” He smiled feebly.

“It’s okay. I understand.” I smiled.

“I love that about you. You’re so understanding of the things I say. I really feel like I can talk to you about anything and be myself.” He held on to one of my hands.

“Maybe that’s why we were drawn to each other,” I suggested, leaving a kiss on his lips.

“Maybe.” He paused to take a sip of water from a glass sitting on the table. “So are you going to go back to the club today?”

“Are you suggesting that I spend the night again?” I smirked.

“Yeah.” He blushed.

“Okay. I’ll stay.”

“Great. We have a band practice on Monday, so do you want to come with me and formally meet the guys? You’ve kinda met them before, at uh…”

“Oh. Those were the guys who took you to the club for your birthday? It will be interesting. Brendon’s a regular.” I giggled, and he burst out laughing.

“Wow. That boy had better get a girlfriend…and quick.”

“Yeah. Do you mind if I steal a t-shirt from you? I didn’t bother to change out of my costume and it’s kind of getting uncomfortable.” Ryan raised an eyebrow and unconsciously licked his bottom lip. “Don’t get any crazy ideas.” He went into his room and came back with a t-shirt and boxers, just like last time.

“Please use the boxers this time. You’ll drive me crazy if you don’t.”

“I’ll try,” I responded, smirking deviously. I went into his bathroom and changed out of my bra and underwear and into his boxers and shirt. I pulled on my sweatshirt and went back out onto the couch, where Ryan was waiting. “Don’t you have any pajama pants?”

“No. I never use them because they’re really uncomfortable.”

“Do you don’t have any sweatpants?”

“I might. Let me go check.” Ryan disappeared and reappeared without any sweatpants.

“Sorry. No.”

“Are you just saying that because you think I look sexier in your boxers or because you really don’t have any?”

“Both?” He smiled innocently.

“Okay.” I yawned. “I’m going to go to bed.” I started toward the door, taking off my sweatshirt, but I stopped in the doorway and turned to face him, staring at me. “Are you coming?” He smirked and scrambled to his feet. “Men,” I muttered under my breath as I pulled back the covers.



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OMG! I'm so sorry that I didn't post anything yesterday. I was at rehearsal for like 3-4 hours doing absolutely nothing. When I got home, I felt feverish, so I just ate dinner and went to bed. I'll do a double post today to make up for it.

XxLorynxX

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I awoke with Ryan’s arms around me. He was still asleep, and I really had to go to the bathroom, so I gently moved his arms and snuck out of the room to the attached bathroom. Once I was done, I washed my hands and noticed myself in the mirror. I didn’t look like myself at all. I looked about two years younger and so much more content. It was as if just being with Ryan for one night erased part of my past. I wondered what it would be like to stay with him for the rest of my life.

Since I had read countless romance novels, I realized that this was how all those women felt. This was how they felt when they had found their soul mate. I smiled at myself and tiptoed my way back into bed.

Ryan was still asleep, so I watched him for a while, memorizing every bit of his sleeping face. He stirred a bit and a couple strands of hair fell into his face, so I gently tucked them behind his ear. His eyes fluttered open, and he smiled at me.

“Good afternoon,” I greeted him.

“Good afternoon,” Ryan replied, sitting up and stretching. “What time is it?”

“It’s 4:00. I still have about 2 hours before I have to get back to the club.”

“So what do you want to do until then?” he asked. I didn’t really care what we did, as long as I was with him.

“You choose,” I told him.

“I don’t know. We could watch a movie in the living room,” he suggested.

“That’s fine with me,” I replied, leaving a small kiss on his lips.

“Or we could just watch it in bed,” he said pointing to the TV in his room.

“That’s also a good suggestion.” He got out of bed, wearing nothing but boxers and an undershirt, and took out a DVD. “How is it that you have two TV’s when I don’t even have one?” I asked as he put the disk in the DVD player.

“You don’t have a TV?”

“Nah, I would never watch it anyway. I read too much,” I replied. “So, what movie are we watching?”

“Nightmare Before Christmas. It’s kind of old, but I love it. Have you seen it?”

“No. I never really got to see movies when I was a kid, and now, I only go to the movies on rare occasions…like Christmas, Thanksgiving…my birthday,” I said, rattling off a few occasions. “You could count the number of times I’ve seen movies on one hand.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, I think you’re going to like it,” he said climbing back into bed.

“Well I trust you.” I looked up at him and kissed him.

We watched the movie in each other’s arms, kissing every once in a while. I was kind of sad when it was over because it kind of took away my excuse to be near Ryan. "You know, I've always wanted to say this." He looked down at me and asked, “Taylor, would you be my Sally?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you want to make this official?” We smiled simultaneously.

“You mean…be your girlfriend?” I asked as my heart leapt. “Yeah. Sure.” We shared another passionate kiss, and I said, “You know. You’re my first boyfriend.”

“Really? I would have never guessed.” We kissed again, but this time I noticed the clock. It was already 6:47! “Oh shit. We have to go,” I said in a panic, getting up and searching for my clothes. Ryan just sat in the bed a little shocked that I was only in panties and his t-shirt.

“Not now. Go get dressed!” I yelled, shutting myself in the bathroom. Hoping he had gotten his sexy ass out of bed, I focused on myself.

How would I explain not being there when Rex got there? Ryan started knocking on the door asking if I was ready, so I had to figure it out in the car.

“Could you please drop me off at the diner across the street?” I asked, as we grew closer to the club.

“Sure, but why are you so panicked?” I would have to tell him sometime…

“I’ll tell you later tonight. Pick me up at 4?” I asked when we were in the parking lot.

“Okay. I’ll see you then.” I kissed him as I got out of the car and walked as calmly as possible from the diner to the club. Rex was right outside, trying to find his key.

“Why aren’t you inside?” he asked like he suspected something.

“What? Can’t I eat?” I asked, pretending to be extremely annoyed.

“Yeah. Whatever.” He found his key and opened the door. “And I want you to stay in character tonight, alright?” he demanded.

“Yeah. Whatever.” I started walking to my room.

“And if whatever you’re doing effects how well you do your job, you won’t like what happens.”

My pulse raced, as my body tried to do the same all the way down to my room. He hadn’t really threatened me before, and now, he was doing it almost every day. I never really thought that he had any connections with the mob until now. I now knew that if I made one false move, he could kill me without any guilt or much chance of being caught. I was screwed.

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The encore was over and done with, everyone had left, and it was only 3 AM. Ryan had stayed to watch me, and I glanced at him a couple of times, making sure he knew I saw him. He even winked at me, as cheesy as it sounds. I quickly took a shower and changed into my good jeans and a nice black button up shirt. I left my hair down and wavy, and I applied a small amount of eyeliner and lip-gloss. My timing was perfect as I greeted Ryan with a kiss in front of the club.

“Ready to go?” he asked, placing his arm around my waist.

“Yes, but where are you taking me?” I asked, giggling.

“You’ll see.” He walked me to his car in the parking lot of the diner. We drove into the suburbs around Las Vegas until we reached a small white house. It was just like any other house, except I figured it was his. In the time I was staring, Ryan had come around to my door, ready to lead me into the house.

“What a gentlemen,” I commented. He smiled.

“You know, I never realized how short you are without those monster heels.” He laughed as I glared at him playfully, realizing that it was true. I was about 4 inches shorter than him.

As he led me through the door, the first thing I noticed was that it smelled of heavenly food. “You cooked?”

“Better yet, Brendon cooked,” he said, “If I had cooked, you’d probably call the police claiming that I tried to poison you. That is, if you were still alive.” I smiled.

“Who’s Brendon? And how did you know I was going to say yes?” I asked. He led me into the small dining room, where there was a table set for two with a single candle lit.

“Oh. I have my ways. And Brendon was the one who told you I was a virgin last night.” His face flushed.

“So, you are a virgin?” I smiled as I watched Ryan look away, embarrassed. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I’d give anything to still be a virgin.” He looked back up at me with food in hand. He gave us each a plate and we started eating.

“What do you mean?” he asked, confusedly.

“Ah. You probably don’t want to hear about it…”

“Sure I do. I want to know everything about you.” I smiled.

“It’s not a pretty story. It’s the story of my life, so I guess it can’t be good.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. If you don’t want me to know, then don’t tell me. If you do, it won’t effect how I feel about you.”

“Okay. Well, my parents were boyfriend and girlfriend in high school and my mom found out she was pregnant with me. Her parents disowned her. His parents disowned him, but still sent $1000 a year because he married my mother. My mother…she called me a mistake most of the time, and my father always wanted to do away with the mistake named Taylor. He would try to beat me, but my mother stood up for me until she just decided to give up. I wasn’t worth the trouble. She died of cancer when I was in my early teen years. After that, my father would kick me out of the house and told me not to come back without money. He was serious, so I hooked for the money. I was only 14, and these guys would do whatever they wanted with me for an hour every night. I saved up money, and when I was 18, I bolted. I don’t even know if he’s still alive.

“I know it’s hard trying to say anything to a story like that, but you don’t need to. I’m over it, and I’m on to new problems. Okay?” Ryan merely nodded and the look of compassion on his face spoke enough for what he wanted to say. I smiled slightly, remembering something else he said.

“So, remember when you said my story wouldn’t change the way you felt about me? What exactly is the way you feel about me?” I asked, a grin growing devilishly on my face. He grinned a little too.

“I don’t know. It’s just that I couldn’t get you out of my mind ever since last night. I went home and tried to get to bed, but couldn’t, so I went back to the club. You just happened to be there, and I wanted to talk to you. Every time I tried, it was like my words dried up, and I just became a nervous wreck. This afternoon, I wanted to see if you would come to the diner that I saw you go into that morning. I tried to say something, but it just didn’t come out right. So, I settled for just being in your presence. I decided to come back and just ask you out, and here we are. Frankly, you were the best birthday present the guys could have ever given me.” I giggled at the dreamy look on his face. I loved the way he looked at me as if I were his savior.

“Ryan, you are so sweet.” I leaned over the table to give him a peck on the lips. We finished our meal with some lighter conversation and just talked for a while. “So, what’s for breakfast?” I asked pointing at the clock, yawning.

“Oh wow. It’s already 7 in the morning?” He paused, yawning too. “Do you want to go back so you can sleep?”

“I’m having so much fun with you, I don’t want to leave.” He smiled serenely.

“Well, I only have one bed…I guess I can sleep on the couch.”

“You don’t have to,” I replied, standing up. He stood up also and walked to his bedroom.

Handing me some boxers and a shirt, he said, “I’ll sleep on the couch.” I pouted and walked back to his bedroom to change. His shirt fit me perfectly and the boxers were a bit too kinky for me, so I just stayed in the panties I was wearing. I slipped under the covers and turned off a lamp next to his bed. I was almost asleep when the door opened. I didn’t let him know I was still awake until he was lying next to me in his bed. I looked up, kissed him goodnight, and buried my face in his chest, where I fell asleep.

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